NOTE: We are re-posting this article on Warning Signs – Blames You for His/Her Anger to allow you to read some of the excellent comments we’ve received from those who are or have been in an abusive relationship. Please be aware that these comments are for informational purposes only; we cannot verify the validity of each individual comment. If you need help, please contact a professional organization such as loveisrespect.org at 1-866-331-9474.
DASH’s early warning signs are meant to guide you in determining whether your relationship is healthy. In this series of articles, we will explore each warning sign in more depth so that you will have a better idea about what each sign means and if you need to address a problem in your relationship.
Our fourth early warning sign of abuse is:
Blames you for his or her anger
Being angry is a normal part of being human. A person can be angry over little irritations or huge problems, but it is the way that person deals with those feelings that can reveal a potential abuser. Has your partner ever said something like “You made me hit you” or “You just make me so mad” or “If you wouldn’t make me jealous, I wouldn’t be so angry”? This kind of reaction is a classic sign of abuse – blaming you for the anger he/she feels. Your partner’s reaction to situations is important to understand.
We’ve all been late. We’ve all had misunderstandings. We’ve all said things we didn’t mean. We’ve all been angry over petty things. Yet, most of us let the anger slide after cooling off a bit. An abuser will not take responsibility for his/her own actions and reactions. An abuser who cannot control his/her anger will lash out at the one thing he/she can control: you. Your partner will claim that YOUR actions need to be changed. If your partner gets angry when you are late (especially through no fault of your own), he/she will berate you about it. If your partner is jealous when you spend time with friends, he/she will demand that you stop seeing those friends. If you try explain a misunderstanding, your partner will dismiss your reasoning. In all these scenarios, an abusive partner blames you. (Notice that many of the early warning signs we wrote about earlier build upon one another.)
Special thanks to the Save the Next Girl club of James River High School (Buchanan, VA) and their counselor Lauren Mioduszewski for hosting a DASH presentation at their first meeting of the year! It was wonderful to share Siobha’s legacy with such an attentive group.
Help Save the Next Girl is a non-profit group in memory of Virginia Tech student Morgan Harrington who was abducted and murdered in 2009 (the same year Siobhan was murdered). For more information go to http://helpsavethenextgirl.com.
If you’d be interested in hosting a DASH presentation either in Northern Virginia or Southwest Virginia (Roanoke area), please contact us at email@example.com!
We’ve added a new way to donate to DASH! Just shop at AmazonSmile.com and they will contribute .5% of your purchase price to DASH! It’s so easy to help us continue our important work educating teens, their parents and friends about teen dating abuse.
A new study published in the Scandinavian Journal of Public Health shows a link between teens in relationships who “sext” and an increased rate of dating violence. Of 1000 Norwegian teens (ages 14-17) surveyed, 549 indicated they were in a romantic relationship. A third of these teens reported having sent sexually explicit messages and photos. The survey found that those teens who sent “sext” messages were 4 times more likely to suffer physical violence such as pushing, shoving, strangulation or being beaten with a hard object.
Lead author Per Hellivek said “there is a bigger chance of becoming a victim of intimate partner violence if you send messages with sexual content.”
The study also noted that more than 40 percent of the teens in relationships said they had experienced dating violence whether or not they had sexted a partner.
The study concluded that sexting itself does not cause violence, but other issues such as experiencing violence at home may be a contributing factor to teen dating violence.
“We wouldn’t let teenagers hang around in the streets all day without knowing what they are up to or who they were with,” said Hellevik.
“In the same way, they shouldn’t be allowed to hang around online on their own.”
Click to read more about this study http://medicalxpress.com/news/2016-08-teens-sext-violence.html