Being abused is not something we plan on. It’s not something we see coming. It’s not something we expect to happen. But it does. Every day. It happened to me. It could happen to you. It could be happening to one of your friends right now and you would never even know. This is my story. Please listen and take with stride all of the information I’m giving you. Because if we don’t try and stop this now, it could end up being too late.
He was my best friend in high school. He was awkward and different, but we got along really well. He always seemed so sweet and he always made me laugh. I graduated the year before him. After he got out and I was in college, we started hanging out again. We reconnected. And it was just like old times. After a few months we saw more in each other and started dating. And it was wonderful. We were young and in love. I saw myself spending the rest of my life with him. I could picture it and I loved it. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Until one day. He lost his temper and started arguing with me. We had plans to go out but I wasn’t about to hang out with him if he was going to have an attitude with me especially when I didn’t do anything wrong. He was throwing MY things around MY car. I wasn’t about to have that. So I took him home. He wouldn’t get out of the car. I told him to get the f*** out. He wouldn’t move. I told him again to get out. Again he did nothing. I told him a third time and that’s where it began. It didn’t even start extreme. All he did was slap me across the face. That is NOT acceptable in any situation. But had I known where this was going to end, I would’ve taken the slap over the future any day of the week. After he hit me the very first time, I put everything I had into what came next.
He wouldn’t get out of my car. He wouldn’t leave me alone. I kept reaming him and asking him to go. I never raised my hand at him until it got too bad and I had no choice but to fight back. But even before it came to that, he was still grabbing at me, pulling my hair and banging my head around. He would grab me by my ponytail and repeatedly throw my head against the window of my car. He said terrible things like how I ruined his life and how I make him insane and I’m the reason he is so f***** up. He called me names like bitch and c***. He was past the point of caring about me and my feelings. All he was doing at this point was trying to make me feel bad. He told me he wanted me to suffer and how I didn’t deserve to be happy. He did everything he could to make me feel below the worms that crawl in the dirt. Two hours went by and he still wasn’t gone out of my car. He wasn’t lightening up either. As time went on his words only got harsher. And the hits only got harder.
Eventually he pushed me over the edge and I lost my mind. He told me one last time that he wanted me to suffer. So I took my hand upon myself. I ran my nails down my face and scratched the skin around my eye right open. And it wasn’t like a tiny scratch. I put a little gash right around my eye. That was enough for him. He got what he wanted. He tried to play the victim spending his tears and trying to be sincere with me. But I was done. I was livid at this point and I did not give a f*** anymore. He left my car and I left his house.
That should have been the end, but unfortunately it wasn’t. I pushed myself through nine more agonizing months of abuse. It wasn’t always physical but abuse is abuse. Pain is pain. He only hit me a few more times, but that never stopped his words. Constantly battering me with his words telling me what a terrible person I am and how I’m such a f****** c***. How he wished I would die and how I ruin everything. Everything going wrong between us was my fault and I ruin all of our good times. I was the one ruining anniversaries and I was the one putting our relationship in danger. He tried to run my life. He told me who my friends were and kept tabs on me everywhere I went. He got mad when I didn’t do something exactly how I said I would. Or when anyone grabbed my attention over him he would make sure I knew how demeaning I was being.
He always wanted me to call or text him anytime I was available. He made me live in his house so we could always be together. He drained me of everything I had. If I didn’t want to talk about something with him he would make me feel bad for it. He would get mad at me for it. He had to know every single f****** detail of my life. I had no privacy. He took away my right as a human to use my brain. Everything was about him. Anytime I wanted to do anything he didn’t want to make it happen or he said he would make it happen but it was all a lie. He said he would change and he would for a little bit. But he always ended up disappointing me. He always ended up showing me it was a lie and he really didn’t care and he had no intentions of changing. And anytime I brought up anything I wanted it turned into a disgusting argument. It eventually got to the point where doing things his way was easier than trying to make our relationship an even one. It was all about him. My life and feelings didn’t matter anymore.
Eventually, I started branching out and talking to other people and moving forward with my life. But he was still there. I started seeing some of my old friends from high school that I loved. And he would make me feel bad for reconnecting with them. It was at that point that I really started to push myself away from him. He had always made me feel bad for making new friends and spending time with them. But when it came to my old friends that were from an amazing part of my past, I had had enough. I started pushing myself from him emotionally and I taught myself not to love him. Because no one should feel like they have to love someone who is literally destroying them.
After a while I started pushing myself away from him physically. I stopped spending so much time with him and I moved out of his house. He still ruled my phone but that part would come later. I learned to ignore my phone and I learned to ignore him (at least for some of the day). He would message my phone over and over if I didn’t eventually talk to him. The abuse kept up through this part but I was getting stronger. I learned not to take it so lightly and believe that he still loved me. Then I put him up to the ultimate test.
The second to last time he threw a fit in my face, I didn’t talk to him for a week. I tried to show him his life without me. It didn’t really work because he still kept trying to get to me. But I stood my ground. I let him be. After I spoke to him again I told him I was going to be done if he ever did it again. And he was good for a while. Until it happened again. And that was it. My mind had been made up for me. Clearly I didn’t mean anything to him. So I left. I told him I was done. It took a few days to get the process over with but eventually it ended. It’s over now. And my healing has begun.
What we all have to remember is that no one deserves to be treated that way. No one deserves to have their life run by someone else. You are your own person. No one has any right to tell you who to be or who to see or who to love. No one has the right to hit you or hurt you either with violence or with words. You have to be strong for yourself. No one has the right to treat you anyway you don’t want to be treated. If no one else is going to take care of you, you at least have to take care of yourself. Because if you can’t depend on yourself and if you can’t trust yourself, who can you depend on? Who can you trust? And even if they take everything away from you and after you leave you are literally left with nothing, at least you can move forward and not be hurt anymore. You still have you. And you can move on and you can find someone who is going to love you and is going to take care of you. You can build a new life for yourself and begin anew.
If you need help or just someone to talk to please call the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline 1-866-331-9474.
DASH wants to thank Megan for her courage in writing about her experience and for her desire to reach out to other teens through her story. Megan made a statement. Dating Abuse Stops Here. We would like other teenages to follow her example. You CAN made a difference!